actually, I'm a sock model
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
