so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
