That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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