im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
