grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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