oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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