Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
