I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
