you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
