Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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