We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
