Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
