Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
