i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
