Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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