a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
