I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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