You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
