i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My vagina just clenched in fear
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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