he fucked my hip out of place.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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