Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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