Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have aggressive nipples.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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