Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
