i was born a porn star she said
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
