Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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