I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
