I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
