actually, I'm a sock model
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
