yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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