one might say we're banned from that church
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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