Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
nutella sex= disaster
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
