fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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