He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
