I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So. Much. Porn.
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