i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
