toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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