You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
