I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
