After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
