whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
