i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
