the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
