Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
