Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
