Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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