my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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