Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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