Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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