dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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