What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
