i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
someone owes me an orgasm
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
