I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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