Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
