6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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