Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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