"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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