Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
