am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
