I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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