shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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