So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
